Sentimental Attachments
Unfortunately, after years of dedicated care that can create an unbreakable connection, things eventually must conclude. That is the way life dictates.
Organizing the final arrangements and attending the funeral services can feel like an extension of your responsibilities as a caregiver. That’s certainly how it felt for me.
Eventually, you find yourself in a house that feels like the life has been abruptly drained from it. Some caregivers mentioned feeling compelled to deodorize their home to eliminate the lingering scent of medical disinfectants.
If your loved one received hospice care, the speed at which they collected their medical equipment might surprise you. The morning after my dad passed away, a truck arrived to pick up the hospital bed and all their equipment. The vacant space where his bed used to be seemed to cast a sense of emptiness over the entire house.
Once I came to terms with the situation, I turned my attention to renovating the inside of my home. I had long desired but avoided these changes because they would interfere with my father's routine. When caring for someone with dementia-related disease, maintaining their routine is crucial.
I installed a pair of French doors and painted both my living room and office. I needed to breathe new life into the space. I picked bold colors I might never have considered before embarking on this caregiving journey. Not only did the house start to feel like a home once more, but the process also proved to be very therapeutic for me. It took nearly a month before I could begin writing again, so focusing on home improvements kept my mind engaged and gave me the gratifying sense of having achieved something.
It took me a full six months before I finally contacted my sister, asking her to come over and clear out our dad's closet, donating his clothes to wherever she thought it appropriate. In the meantime, I desperately needed some closet space for myself.
It wasn't because my father passed away in that room. I never felt uneasy or strange about it. On the contrary, I was thankful that he spent his final days in a place he knew and loved. Suddenly, I found myself emotionally attached to his possessions. Although I wouldn't label myself a hoarder, I was surprised by my strong desire to keep everything.
If you find yourself with an entire second household's worth of belongings, hiring a liquidator to assist you might be wise. At nearly every caregiver symposium I visit, there's usually at least one booth advertising an estate liquidation service. The key is to select a trustworthy one. Take the extra time to check their references carefully.
There will always be some cherished belongings you want to keep forever, but is it necessary to have two homes' worth of furniture? Additionally, allowing someone else to manage the task might alleviate the difficulty of making those emotional choices.
Naturally, many of us will encounter dreaded family disputes over inheritance. Sometimes, relatives begin claiming possessions even before their loved one has passed away. If lawyers and probate are brought in, it may take much longer than you’d like to sort through those belongings. No matter the situation, don't let anyone pressure you to make decisions until you feel emotionally prepared.
Sorting through the belongings of someone you love can be challenging. Remember to stay strong. In your heart, you know what they would want you to do.
If being surrounded by their memories overwhelms you with depression, it might be better to have someone with you and not tackle this project by yourself.
