Caring from Miles Away
If you’re caring for sick loved ones from a distance, you are not alone. In fact, about seven million long-distance caregivers do the same in the United States alone.
Concerning oneself with the well-being of loved ones from a distance is a challenging and anxiety-inducing dilemma; are they consuming enough nourishment, adhering to their prescribed medications, or simply staying out of harm's way?
The state of today’s economy only adds to the difficulty. With financial limitations, your usual biannual or triannual trips to visit family and friends may be limited to just one. In this situation, it is crucial to plan ahead and carefully so that you can make the most of your time together.
It is highly recommended that you schedule an appointment with the patient's doctor in advance so that you can attend the examination while you’re in town. Introduce yourself and inform the physician of the situation. Provide your contact details and ask to be notified of any updates regarding the patient. Note that if you are not the patient's authorized Power of Attorney or Health Care Surrogate, their consent will be required for you to participate in the appointment and gather any health reports.
Be sure to have an up-to-date list of their medications and dosages with you at all times. It is ideal to download this list and other information to your phone. This information can be essential, even if you are not the one administering the drugs. Keep the list updated regularly to ensure its accuracy, after all, you are just a phone call away.
While you are visiting, make an effort to get to know their neighbors and friends. You can ask if they would be willing to check in on your loved one from time to time, giving you a reliable source of information. It's also important to leave multiple ways for them to contact you in case of an emergency. Remember, when speaking to someone with dementia over the phone, you cannot rely on what they tell you. They may seem perfectly fine during the conversation but have no recollection of it afterward. Therefore, these conversations should not be considered as reliable sources of information.
While you're a guest in their home, it's important to also do a quick check-in on the state of things. Take a look in the refrigerator and make sure there is enough edible food available for them. Check for foods with past expiration dates. Similarly, glance at any piles of unopened mail to ensure that bills are being taken care of on time. It's also crucial to be aware of any potential safety hazards in the home. If needed, take some time to make repairs or add safety features like support bars in the bathroom. And don't forget to remove any throw rugs that could pose a tripping risk.
One should be able to determine an individual's cleanliness habits simply by inspecting their bathroom without needing to ask any awkward questions. My father often spent 30-40 minutes in the bathroom and emerged, claiming he had showered and shaved. But in reality, he would just splash half a bottle of Old Spice on himself instead. The overpowering cologne had him believing that it masked any hint of body odor. Damp towels would be strewn around the room. Sadness drew across his face as I informed him that we needed to attempt to shower again.
If someone else in the family is taking on the role of primary caregiver, make sure they have breaks whenever possible. As a resident of Florida, I often hear from other caregivers about how their family members promised to come and help but ended up treating it like a vacation instead of sticking their heads in the door once or twice.
The most effective caregivers are those who have the love and support of their family and friends. It is important to not let them handle everything on their own, as they will only exhaust themselves.
Communication will be crucial for your success. It is vital that family members are kept informed of the caregiver's well-being and updates on your loved one's condition. This will benefit both the caregiver and your loved one in the long run.
As the primary or long-distance caregiver, it's important to have a caregiving notebook. Jot down anything you or they find important during your regular conversations. The notebook should also include their date of birth, Social Security number, Medicare or Medicaid information, insurance details, and a list of physicians and medications. It's crucial that more than one person has access to this information in case of emergency. A support system, even if just emotional support, can make each day more manageable.
In the initial phase of the illness, you will likely be able to manage many tasks on your own. However, as you progress into the latter stage, you will require some assistance. It is important to accept this fact early on. You may find that your support system grows to include nurses, aides, and other previously unknown individuals who become like family to you.
Gary Joseph LeBlanc. CDCS
Education Director
Dementia Spotlight Foundation
